Perhaps it’s due to the fact that we’re all so very busy, or perhaps it’s the relative ease of getting to more glamorous destinations that’s dented the popularity of a weekend of hanky panky. Whatever the reason, we think the dirty weekend is in need of major revival!

Just think of the fun in checking into a little establishment as Mr and Mr (or Mrs and Mrs) ‘Smith’, ripping each others clothes off and testing the springs on the bed. Yummy!

But first things first, a few ground rules:

1. Go somewhere new and exciting for both of you, that way you can explore together and bring back fresh memories of the weekend. That little guesthouse where you used to go with your ex is definitely not a good idea!

2. Book somewhere that will serve you breakfast in bed. And no, this doesn’t mean the bellboy/girl gets to join you - unless they’re really cute and up for it of course!

3. No mobile phones, laptops or work projects. It’s only a weekend and you won’t self destruct if you don’t have access to the outside world for two days. That’s the whole point, remember? Try hard wiring your partner instead and see if you can ring their bell without an electronic gadget.

4. Don’t bring sexy back - take it with you! Try something and that you might have fantasised about before (no, not the bellboy/girl!). Enhance each others pleasure with oils, wigs, whips, chains, handcuffs, ear-muffs, feathers, cream, fruit, a suit, latex, playtex, uniforms, pumps, rings, stimulators, himulators, whatever floats your boat really - it’s a dirty weekend remember?!

Blackpool
If it’s a cheap and cheerful that you’re after then there can be few better places for a weekend of sauce than Blackpool. This is the Great British seaside at its best and it’s almost impossible not to get caught up in the kitsch-ness of it all! Kiss me quick hats, candy floss and some of the worlds biggest, fastest and tallest roller-coasters await visitors to the number one beach resort in the UK. After you’ve taken a tram along the promenade, ridden the Big One and checked out the surprisingly good gay scene, you can take yourself back to one of the many queer B&BS for a ride on another big one!

Brighton
Brighton is the South Coast’s capital of poofery and - outside of London - the queerest place in the entire universe, well the UK at least. What better place to take your latest squeeze then for a bit of slap and tickle than good old Brighton, another seaside institution. Why not wet your appetites for each other with a walk down the famous pier for a ride on the new ‘Horror Hotel’ ghost train. Then, after a lovely fish supper, it’s back to your own hotel so you can get the willies up you all over again!

Southend-On-Sea
Southend has dirty weekend written right through it - just like a big pink stick of rock - so why not head out east and embrace your inner Essex girl with a weekend of rumpy pumpy in Saaf-end. You can take a stroll along the longest pleasure pier in the world, while the Golden Mile of amusement arcades and attractions is packed full of tacky ways to spend an afternoon with someone special. Then, after you’ve had enough of the neon lights and fluffy toys, it’s back to your hotel to make some romance. Now, remember the expression ‘when in Rome’? So, the traditional wine for a romantic night in Essex is, “Aw but Bazza, I’ve had bigger bangs from a bag of crisps!”

Lake District
If you want to get away from it all and spend some romantic time with your loved one in the countryside, then the beautiful Lake District is for you – if you can take your eyes of the beauty of your partner that is! This is where England’s ten highest mountains are located as well as her deepest lake too. After a day chasing each other up those hills, pretending to be Heathcliff and Cathy you’ll be in the just the right frame of mind to drag your windswept bodies back to some little hideaway where you can take each other to heights of a different kind.

Amsterdam
Ok, so this is not in the UK but you can get to good old Amsterdam on a train and it’s a great place for a dirty weekend, so why not pack up your troubles and head to the Netherlands! If taking a romantic stroll over those charming canals doesn’t get you into the mood for a spot of each other, then you could always try a trip through the lovely floating flower market which is bound to do the trick. Then it’s time to get back to your chosen lodgings for your own little tiptoe through those tulips, and no, we aren’t talking about a walk through a bulb field in case you were wondering.


Want some specific places to stay? Then check out our Dirty Weekend suggestions.

Find out all the latest gay travel information by ordering the brand new 2008 Spartacus International Gay Guide. Get it online and save some money to put towards the other Bruno Gmunder guides - Hotel and Restaurant Guide and Sauna Guide.